Instant Inspiration

Musings...

My friend gave me some weekend reading.."It's not about the bike" - the biography of Lance Armstrong by Sally Jenkins.As one can guess, its main focus is on how he overcame cancer to become a world champion.I couldnt finish the book at one go and am still reading it because I kept recollecting my encounters with a cancer patient who was very close to me- my aunt Shantha.

Periamma, as I fondly call her was almost like a mother to me.It 's quite natural to be so close to a relative whose family was in such close proximity that practically our houses were never more than a few miles apart, ever.She was a rather shy person and so wasnt diagnosed with cancer until it reached an advanced stage.Reading Lance's book reminded me of everything about her- the nauseating chemos, loss of hair, the pain, the quite desperation and hope.Suddenly, everything else in life seemed trivial and insignificant.I loved her dearly and even when she passed away in January this year, I have not come to terms with the fact that she is no more. To me, she still lives. She lives in my memories and thoughts, she lives everywhere I see unconditional love and compassion.I am consoled by the thought that she will no more have to go through the pain and depression caused by endless chemo and radiation routines, the fear and uncertainty of the unknown....

I believe that to mourn the dead beyond a point is selfishness, because death knows no pain and is free from the trials, tribulations and bondages of the world.Wanting them to live in this stifling world full of strife would be cruelty.I am of the opinion that a person can live only as long as she/he wants to live. Its hope that keeps us alive..how much ever we try to deny that.Periamma was going through excellent treatments at Hyderabad at Apollo.She was loved and taken care of by us.We were there for her and did everything we could do possibly to keep her in the best of her spirits. But when her family moved to Trivandrum, Periappa was of the impression that since most of our relatives live there, she would be taken care of..but what matters most is not the number of people but the people who care.The thought that Periamma might have passed away because she lost hope and that she might have thought she had no one to live for and to love sometimes tears me apart.Both her sons were abroad but I havent been more regretful for being away from her after she moved to Kerala.

Counting my blessings, I should feel fortunate for having known and been with a person as warm and caring as her- and I shall feel that warmth in my heart for as long as it beats....

posted by Supraja @ 11:25 AM 0 comments

to write or not to write.....

writer's block...thats what I have been having these days..or not...cos to have that I need to be a writer in the first place! I have logged in many a times,to log smart quotes, the thrills, the disappointments, the thoughts and all the rigmarole that has been buzzing in my head and try to get it off the top of my head but all I see is blank..everytime but this time I have decided to write out the blank sheet on my head..the apparently blank sheet.Apparently because by blank, I think of white and isnt white the color that reflects everything? Hmm..now thats quite a thought.
Speaking of thought, a recent incident reminds me of a fact that looks so simple upfront but so complicated and intricate within the layers of the mind.There is a way one can be happy ever after.And that is too let go ..of every wish , every attachment and yet, we are trapped..trapped in a vicious circle for, we attach ourselves to things which we think will lead us to happiness but what we are leading ourselves to may not be the destination that we seek
As an aside, I just remembered an argument I had with a staunch supporter of the Pandavas in the Mahabharata who claimed the victory of the pandavas was the victory of dharma.Although I did this just to irritate my friend who could be easily irked, I told him, that the Duryodhana was the rightful heir to the throne since his father lost it only due to a physical disability which was not inherited by him and that administration-wise as well, Duryodhana was par excellence. The only reason the pandavas won the war was because Krishna was on their side which proves one point- even if one is a loser, being on the side of God can make all the difference to one in life.I dont know where that came from..but pretty smart huh??

posted by Supraja @ 6:10 PM 0 comments